she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
