I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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