I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
