fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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