I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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