so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
