Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
