When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?