Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.