Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.