careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.