you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.