Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth