It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
