I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
