Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
