I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
