She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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