I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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