Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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