i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
