Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
