I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
