I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
