you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
