I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
