i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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