I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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