I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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