I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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