We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
