I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
