I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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