i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
