that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
