Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
