Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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