You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Randomize
