So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this hospital has no fireball
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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