Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He shit in the fireplace
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
