Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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