just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
