it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
