haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
time to smoke my breakfast
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The air taste purple.
Randomize
