I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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