what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
