what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
