It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
