She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
