She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
