my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
