Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
