No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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