i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
