if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
