I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
