Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
