Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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