It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
