I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
