with your own penis?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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