The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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