he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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