Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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