I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
