Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
