Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
