If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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