man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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