They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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