somebody snuck up and got me drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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