I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
