We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
