God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
