I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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