I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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