also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
