There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
