A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
