perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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