He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
