you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need moral support for this bender
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
