So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
